A little confused good(二)

As for Wang Xifeng can Nainake big and whole rongning mansion in remediation of her docile and obedient, a Qin Keqing’s funeral this event to her hand is simply a piece of cake. She did not have a glib, family doesn’t know her grandmother’s two lian.
Wang Xifeng is a shrewd head woman, smart to always eager to do well in everything, everything to win, where not fall for her, and finally to offend the wife, coupled with Jiamu painfully, her patron did not, finally fall “smart drive intelligent mistake and send how life”.
Red scientists interested in is such a smart woman end so miserable is, after all, she was a woman, after all, did not penetrate the official philosophy, woolly headed. She was her clever, fail to show restraint to harm her.
A person at work, life will learn to be muddled in many ways, benefit:
1 avoid contradictions and disputes
Many of the things in life, if we take the woolly attitude, eyes closed one eye, it is easy to do; and if you point are not confused, is a, two in the second, contradiction, conflict and even bloodshed are likely to occur.
Two college students for television channel, if a confused look, let each other, each other to see what will follow, TV, which channel is not the entertainment. We will continue to watch TV, not two people rally together. A furious, with a knife stabbed another. As a result he was stabbed to death.
Life has many smart people always like pulling others braids, grabbing other disadvantages that do show themselves wiser than others actually the language and behavior did not confused is caused two estranged, and go their separate ways, and even become the root cause of the enemy.
2 can make their own peace of mind
And people association and conduct key to make in a happy mood, and peace of mind is a prerequisite for the happy mood, woolly headed can be make a person calm state of mind.
If you are a sharp teeth and sharp eyes and agile hands or nimble fingers and you will find things that others do not pay attention to the, if you laugh, do not add to pursue soon you will forget these things; and as soon as you feel that their own can not point out. Not to give others a clear, not only to make others unhappy, I am afraid your own heart is also difficult to calm down.
An old monk and a little monk came to the river, a young girl was wondering how to cross the river, see the monks come and ask for help.
Old and still read a sound “good”, holding the girl across the river, many thanks go girl.
An old and a young monk walked a long distance, the young monk suddenly asked: “the family, not the last woman master, you are the.” The old monk laughed and said: “I had to put down, how do you hold?” the little monk flush up to one’s ears.
A lot of people in life like this is not the true meaning of the little monk, so that their own state of mind in the rough and.

A little confused good(一)

Chinese there is a saying everyone is familiar with the proverb: “it.” But those who in life with little success, to make a contribution the, or who think they belong to their own smart, shrewd, seminal ranks are in his den hanging on the word “woolly headed” Zheng Banqiao queer.
The so-called confused, refers to a person’s mind is not clear, unreasonable. “Song Dynasty history and Lu Duan Chuan” on a such a paragraph: “or the” end is confused. Taizong, ‘end small confused, events are not confused. “‘ Similarly, when we see a person do something illogical, or is what is wrong, we always mercilessly others a lesson: “you silly old fool?”
And the so-called woolly headed, said a person’s life smart, never make confused, this kind of person is best made several confused, because for him, too easy to make confused.
From ancient times to the present, unless it is the fool idiot like to know a few words, know some truth of life, understand the world which are not in themselves belong to human seminal the else? Not very clever, also the clever unsurpassed, who is willing to admit that he is a careless egg?
Is the on the surface looked stonily, silly ha ha, half did not utter a word, looking at like a blockhead, people don’t say they’re confused, but that “foolish”, “clumsy”, so in this society, everyone smart like Mount Emei monkeys, only to play the part of the people, which have been playing a, you find less than a similar to the dopey.
Why people should disguised himself as a very aura of the person, and sometimes but let they pretend to some stupid, the hypocrisy of people in the end what play trick ah?
“A dream of Red Mansions” in the Wang Xifeng gave us a clear answer: clever anti smart error. How Wang Xifeng is extremely intelligent people, top, I am afraid that there are many men are not her. Her nine life, be all things to all men, she smiles to you an hand in a velvet glove; the surface, but in my heart to you. A fancy her beauty Jia Rui was the tactic to her whole a wisp of souls on the sky; a fancy of her husband Erjie is her duplicity to forced to commit suicide by swallowing gold; and her “Diaobao substitution” lidaitaojiang, away knits the brows fragile life.

Don’t say you can’t ask for help(二)

“Art of war” on say: “know yourself as well as the enemy, know yourself.” This sentence is also applicable to human skills. When we should, first of all, may wish to the person hobbies, temperament, knowledge and experience do some reconnaissance, then calmly to will get unexpected results.
When talking to each other, special favor or take it as a great honour person, to express affection, and be of great interest. The claimant is best in the form of material as a medium can be each other in special favor or proud of the small gift, to narrow the distance between the heart and soul.
There is a person, just graduated from University, assigned to work units, found in the work and the professional knowledge is not on the number, he did not want to make their own professional knowledge learned in a few years, so I want to ask the chief of personnel to help adjust the work. He visits before, had opened the several dark line, understanding to the chief had an only daughter, today just admitted to university, read Chinese department. The young man visited her that day suddenly have a brain wave, a package of books to. Just to catch up with the chief’s daughter at home, he also not to mention ask, just come up with a book and a Book of ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign literary classics and the chief’s daughter to explore together, and encourages her to go to the university to study hard, between words reveals his graduation after, learning is not used, lose abandon professional distress. When he declared the classics as she admitted to university and sent the prize. It’s been a worthwhile trip, please the chief daughter happy. Don’t think the chief probably buried his talent, should learn in order to practise. Before long, he really changed to a satisfactory job position.
We sincerely seek to others, but some people can not meet our requirements, when we refused, do not over pursue the reasons. Indeed, the rejected psychology is very uncomfortable, anyone want to know the reason, but if pursued more entangled in each other, ask clear reasons, tend to undermine the feelings of both sides.
You may ask, do not overpress. The other party has refused, there will be a reason, if too much to adhere to their own requirements, not only will make the other difficult, but also to make themselves into a passive. Many unpleasant things in life, why in such a trifling matter regardless of don’t finish is refused to do after an open-minded and magnanimous, not judgmental.
When you knowingly refused to each other psychological, may wish to own the interrupted, simply said it doesn’t matter, in turn to comfort each other a few, please he will not care about. The other party will feel sorry, perhaps the future will be very active to help you!
Life is alive, both wind and rain have sunny, so who needs others to “arm”, however, we ask do not kneeling, and to do for not humble, for without leaning, this is a no regrets in life!

Don’t say you can’t ask for help(一)

There are many friends always proud to say: “I usually don’t like yourself.” His words seem to have some “let people know that he is a strong man”. But it is meaningless to hang around the mouth.
We get on in the world, although to be self reliant, do not easily by people, but this society, after all, is the collective, have a lot of things is independent to the, a person’s ability is very limited, when you are in prosperity, you don’t think trapped in poor taste, and easily raved himself does not ask others for help. As everyone knows, life change unpredictably, how know the road no obstacles?
Those who claimed to be reluctant to ask for help, often on the field of communication failure. From the aspect of psychological analysis, although the character is different, tolerant, stingy, forthright, narrow, but no matter what kind of personality do, to give people a little whinging is everyone is willing to the.
When you say to someone: “I didn’t love person.” Even if you don’t send it to him, but the man who listens to you is the one who finds you. He will feel that you will not be in a thousand miles away, to produce a sense of alienation, and even to produce you are a feeling of contempt for his ability.
Sensitive people from “I didn’t love person” in this sentence “I also read out the implication don’t like I was asked”. Because a man is proud of yourself to others will look down on people seeking favors.
Communication expert Genton teach people “good to get some, think this is the highest number” method for the good impression. Everyone is eager to get the respect and attention of others, if you can give others a little favor, then in the bottom of my heart will produce an idea: I am useful to others, I can benefit others. This idea will give a person a sense of pleasure and happiness. At the same time. One will remember this because of gratitude and respect his benefactor. This is why it is good for some reason small to human, it is also a communicative method.
Life who would dare to guarantee forever begging? Singapore famous female writer Eugene, had written a “do it yourself” article, advocated “their best effort, regardless of success or failure, peace of mind.
However, the real life is too much, so you have to ask for help. If you are an unemployed youth, hoping to find a satisfied job; if you are a clerk, I hope be a meteoric rise; if you are a reporter to interview, hope can hold great hand; if you have an urgent need, hope can borrow to a sum of money… This many, greatly small hope will constitute a life. Life will force you to have to turn to others, and if you can get someone else’s arm, in a great extent lies in you have no claimant skills and strategies.
Some people at the mention of the claimant will frown, even ashamed to tell people, they to the claimant harbored a prejudice that it must be grovelling, obsequious, actually otherwise. Ask others for help must be based on self-esteem, self-respect, self love is the premise, do not humble, for without leaning.
To succeed in seeking help from others, we must follow the two basic principles. First, sincere politeness, that is, the saying of sincerity, Jinshi, polite. This is a prerequisite for the successful claimant. Second, avoid taboo. Because each person has a different personality and life experience, some of the words and actions of some concern, so do not go to offend.

Don’t make enemies(二)

In addition to quarrel will make people grudges destroy their enemies, refined and cultured in public image, without the slightest effect. Speak ill of others, slander others, the other will have heard, will vent out their resentment. In reality, some people choose friends aimlessly, as long as together binge drinking, feel is good friend, this fair weather friends are often unreliable. Once they turn immediately, mouth slander, abuse each other. This is really naive and ignorant. Need to know, short road, in addition to the negative of his reputation, is don’t get any benefits. So. You must be careful, do not slander words diffidation. Otherwise, who would dare to get close to you?
There was a small country called Zhongshan in the Warring States period. Once, Zhongshan King hosted domestic celebrities. At that time happened to mutton soup is not enough, can not let the presence of all drink to, there is a called Sima period people do not drink mutton soup, vindictive, and to Chu king in Chu Guoquan against the National Sun Yat Sen. Chu is a powerful, easy to attack Zhongshan in china. Zhongshan was broken, the king fled to foreign countries. He fled found to have two hands Nage with along with his, and asked: “what are you doing here?” two person answer: “once upon a time there was a person once for give you a pot of food from starving to death, we are his son. Before his father died asked Chen Zhongshan, any incident, we must be willing to die to strain every nerve, even the king.”
Zhongshan king after listen to, sigh and said: “don’t blame it on stage depth, sad. I lost the country with a cup of mutton soup.” To give a little, but not the amount, but the need to. Blame the depth, but whether to hurt others’ heart. Nakayama Kunikimi and subjugation because of a cup of mutton soup, but due to a pot of food and two warriors. This passage is a delicate relationship. A person if you lose a little money is not as for this great anger; and when pride hurt but not easily remedied. Sometimes originally did not hurt the heart, but because of a careless words hurt others, the so-called “the speaker unintentionally, the listener intentional, or even to establish yourself as an enemy. The king of Zhongshan has lost the story of a cup of lamb, a profound lesson for us.
If you put forward your own opinion, but also to all the different views of the attack, it is not wise. This is similar to the forced isolation and stop not before. Since the debate and hurt others self-esteem, grudges in person, not oneself, and because of the people, real paltrily.

Don’t make enemies(一)

Chinese in people, always have a unique vision, especially those who are upright gentlemen. The so-called “gentleman never out evil voice”, namely in the world, and intimate contact, solid to treat people sincerity. Even if hostility to break off the relationship nor coca from evil, and that the other is not. A man of accomplishment, no matter what kind of reason, even if the interruption of traffic, also will not be a bad sound, slander each other. This is because:
First of all, if you said something about the diffidation, is to acknowledge that his knowledge is not clear. Since the two sides have John as “strangers” also fills, why enemies?? a lot of enemies will not only make people in life Zhongmai unable, even normal work, will encounter all sorts of unnecessary trouble.
To avoid making enemies, you must first develop such a habit, it is never going to blame others. Criticism is a kind of harm of self-esteem, it can only push each other to maintain his honor, to justify himself, even if it was not, he will also mark the revenge, seeking revenge in the future.
Secondly, the obvious fallacy of others, you better not directly correct, otherwise it would seem that you want to appear deliberately, and thus hurt the self-esteem of others. In life, we must keep in mind that, any non debates on principle, to give each other to win opportunity. It can not only avoid making enemies, but also permit to meet each other some kind of revenge “,” to love fire hate “. As to the principle of error, you must try to make the best of it.
If you hurt others because of your mistake, you have to apologize to the people in time. Such a move can be your enemy, eliminate hostility. Maybe you’ll get along better. “Do not fight do not know” the Minyan rich philosophic theory, since offend others, when you must have a “vent”, instead of waiting for others to revenge, I do not know when to fly out a stab in the back, is far better than the initiative came to pay tribute. In order to let bygones be bygones.
In order to avoid making enemies, there is one thing to note, this is not to argue with others – can not prevail. In fact, there is no winner in a row. Even verbal victory, but at the same time, you have a grudge against you. There are some reasons for the quarrel, the total for a certain purpose. If you want to get the problem solved, don’t take the argument.

how to be a good listener

First of all, it is to be sincere. Others and talking to you, your eyes to stare at each other, whether to speak to you the position than you are high or low, with her eyes fixed on each other is a necessary thing. Only superficial and lack of courage or arrogance of personnel not to face other people.
how to be a good listener
Of others when you speak and do a some absolutely necessary work, this is disrespectful and when he chanced to ask you some questions, you won’t because they do not pay attention to what he said without the proper recognition.
Secondly, to listen to other people’s words, and occasionally in one or two words of sympathy is very good, don’t fully understand with a question is very much in need of the, because doing so is said to his attention, but not snatch the chance to speak from, forever said their. Unless the other side of the word has come to an end, the problem is no longer open, you can put their own words to the next, or the other party to let you speak when you can do this.
Third, no matter what other people say, it is best not to correct his mistakes, if so the other side of the offensive, then you are not a good listener. If you want to give advice or criticism, it is necessary to pay attention to timing and attitude, not too rash, do not pay attention to ways and means will undoubtedly good becomes bad.
how to be a good listener
Some people always like to have a good time for you to say a few things to say, this is a deep buried in his heart the most memorable things, or more proud, make him happy, or sad, make him unhappy. Also some people will have a joke said many times when fresh things, in this case, as a listener you, at this time to practice a kind of patience, you can not say: “this thing you have said to me several times.” Doing so would hurt his dignity, you only should do the thing is patience to listen to go, you then my heart should be understand, he is a bad memory, you should pity him, and he said to you is for your goodwill and Trust said.
If you are talking, and you are not interested, feel the time and energy to socialize with him is not worth it, you should use a better way to make him stop this boring topic, but the most important is not to hurt his dignity. The best way is cleverly divert his topic, turn on other topics, the other topic is the best he expert or like the topic.

Silence is golden, as appropriate

Do you think a person speaking or silence by speech is silver, silence is gold that is silence than to speak well. Speech is the shadow of his behavior, we often because many words and wounding, words hurt, rather than a sword, cuts and more difficult tongue wounds never healed.
A dispassionate listener, not only popular everywhere, and will gradually know many things. And a talkative, like a leaky boat, every passenger wants to get out of it. At the same time, more innocuous, trouble. Is the so-called He that talks much errs much., Duoyanduobai. Only silence, only then not to be betrayed. Silence is not to hurt.
Some people say that language is a common thing, a very casual person to speak, have no sense of responsibility. Words much less than words, words less than good, many words as much knowledge. Even as a matter of fact thousands and thousands of words, so deep impression. Many words are impractical because verbal symbol, generous person, action must mean. A moral person, never pan words; have faith, will not speak; seek talented person, do not have much to say. Many words get tired, empty words from thin, easily get insulted, keep silence, others will think you are a philosopher.
A man speaks little and is said to be a gentleman. Therefore, in our life, there are two kinds of lessons is not less, it is silent and elegant style of conversation. If we don’t talk and not timely wit, silence, is a big regret, unfortunately.
We often regret, so that when you do not have a deep understanding of something, it is best to remain silent!
It is a virtue to be a little talk, but since people live in the society, they should speak, or they might not be as dumb as they are. Since want to speak, what to say?? in any place, it is best to talk less, to speak said his experience of emotion words, said the soul of our heartfelt words, said his grasp, said to be able to enlighten the people, said to caution people, educating people to teach, said warm words, said to enable people to solve problems.
His grasp, then do not said insincere words not said hurtful words did not say, out of thin air, if not said curses not said that hurt feeling, don’t say rumors also don’t say, abusive language do not say.
If it is not to say, then you can say that the content, meaning, language, voice, posture, can not be not to pay attention. What occasions should say, how to say, should be studied. Both discussed knowledge, contact the business, entertainment, recreation, all sorts of words from the mouth to say, be sure to focus, to specific, vivid. It never rains but it pours. Although may not be able to achieve this level, but we just walked towards this goal is development and harvest.
Must be aware that in order to keep your words by people, never make people hate, the only secret is to say the right words, appropriate words. Say the right amount of words can make you think quietly, so that your words more exciting, more touching.
To be a patient listener is an important condition in the art of conversation. Because someone who can listen to others’ opinions is bound to be a thoughtful and modest person. This person in the crowd, the first may not be the attention, but in the end it will be respected. Because he has an open mind, so is the one who likes it; because he is good at thinking, so he is trusted by the people.

How to overcome the mean

Mean that the negative impact on life is very big, each one has the shortcomings of the people should be aware of the.
How to overcome the mean
1 reflection method
Stingy people in the interpersonal relationship on their own stingy behavior will not feel a little, nor will they have a little sense of the people on their own stingy. To own and around the friends, colleagues than a ratio, think about why do so pinched himself, withhold from the people, they should understand that people living in the world, money is not the only objective, in addition to the money to the family, friendship, joy equally important.
There was a special love of money king, he asked God to give him the ability to be able to perform wonders. He has the ability, where the touch of his fingers turned gold, like bread, milk, chairs, beds, palace resplendent. Later even his lovely daughter are he turned to gold. The king cried. He would no longer be the alchemy of the: God, please forgive me, I no longer cling to gold. Hurry up and get back my daughter!
People are emotional animal, stingy will only cut the tenderness, make oneself become the Regal isolationist friendship. Notice concern and help has always been a relationship, “you respect me a foot, I respect you a Zhang”, only to help each other, you will be happy.
How to overcome the mean
2 faith
Stingy people, should develop a better future of human belief in the spirit, to rely on, like a Buddhist, Christians as tolerant, have compassion, and more to do some good things, and gradually overcome the problem of stingy.
3 enjoy law
Try to street to the poor beggar a dime or blind people across the road from the pull over, or your lover to buy a bouquet of red roses, you will found although the possession of money and happiness, but that kind of happiness is regarded by the supercilious look happy, and give you the kind of happiness, pleasure, and pleasure of others. Gradually you’ll find out they are more willing to do some things to others, because you enjoy from unspeakable happiness.

The reason for the mean

1. subjective personality cultivation
Mean, from the psychological perspective, in fact, is a negative psychological defense. These people may not be confident, in order to cope with anxiety, like a snail shrinking in the shell, in order to deal with the dangers of the outside world. In addition, family education can also cause a mean character. Parents because of the hardships of life, thrifty, and the parents of discord, lack of family warmth, develop a reclusive and suspicious character, do not deal with the man, with the passage of time will is considered to be a mean person.
The reason for the mean
2 .objective environment
Due to a variety of complex social factors, some people on their share of the wealth of a strong defensive mentality, to avoid the jealous, thieves, robbers and the like, which makes people of their money see tightly. Money after all the hard won, if the malevolent people went to get, isn’t white yak blood? So for rich people. He doesn’t have to to anyone who holds the mercy and charity heart, “more stingy”, in fact, and not as stingy.
3 .nature
Man’s nature has a selfish side, which can be said to be the root cause of the. Children at a young age is reluctant to eat their own, things to play with other kids a share, wait to grow up adult selfishness increased, he became more selfish and stingy.
The human nature of the mean is not popular, and even the cause of the psychological characteristics of the people.
The stingy person lacks the social responsibility, he is selfish, indifferent, to the society, others, and even the relative not to bear the responsibility, he only stands in the self – narrow standpoint to look upon oneself the responsibility and the duty. He used the words “I do my line. I don’t care for others “.
The reason for the mean
Stingy people have a good social relationship. Such selfish behavior, will destroy the human and the human to be cultivated by the humanity, sympathy, destroy the good social relations, the ethics relations, the moral relations, causes the harm to the social progress.
In addition, stingy were likely to fail in life. They are in the cause, family, life development, emotional, and may suffer from this character. Such as a man in love with no success, and he talked about a period of love girls responded that the boy is very stingy, one shot point are not generous, on many occasions such as eating, buy things he always bargain, a man always like this, you will let side of the ladies feel especially no face, lost, so the girls are from him to, so the boy because of his consciousness lead to now is still a bachelor.